Apologizes for not posting last week or yesterday, life has been…life. But today I am ready and able to discuss Week 5 of my venture through Amy Morin’s book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. The past 2 weeks I’ve been diving into the thought that mentally strong people don’t worry about pleasing everyone.
This is one area that I know I struggle big time. I want everyone to be happy and like me. I don’t want to say no to anyone. I often feel overwhelmed by the commitments I have made. Amy is quick to remind us that “you can still be a kind and generous person without trying to please everyone.” Ok…there is hope for me.
The section that really got me to open up my eyes was about how people pleasers can lose sight of their values. Below is a section of the text that I would like for you to read.
No matter what your values are, you’ll stop behaving according to them if you’re focused primarily on pleasing other people. You’ll quickly lose sight of doing what’s right and try only to do what makes other people happy. Just because it’s a popular choice doesn’t mean it’s the right choice.
Like mom said, “Just because your friends jump off a bridge, doesn’t mean you have too.” I have spent a lot of my life trying to please everyone. I want everyone to be happy but I end up the one that isn’t happy. Saying yes to one thing, means I’m saying no to something else. Whenever I have a decision to make, I try to remember that if I agree to this, what I am agreeing not to participate in. Would I be missing time with my husband, my family, my friends, myself?
Just this week I had to practice this. I had some friends coming into town for the weekend. I had to go back and ask them not come into town because I am not sure what my happen with my stepdad this week. I had to make a choice 1) possibly cancel my plans with friends last minute if something happened 2) cancel early so I can focus on my family this week. I choose Option 2. I am trying to focus more on my relationship with my husband and with my family. I’m not always the best at this so I’m trying to make sure the decisions I make are centered on my values and not making everyone else happy.
Amy shared a few truths about people pleasing:
- Worrying about trying to please everyone is a waste of time. – How many times in a day do I think about what someone else is thinking about what I said or did?
- People pleasers are easily manipulated. – I have been taken advantage of by friends because I was trying to please them.
- It’s okay for other people to feel angry or disappointed. – It’s not my responsibility to control other people’s emotions.
- You can’t please everyone. – I have realized that some people just aren’t going to be happy no matter what.
I want to live a life that is true and authentic. By not worrying about pleasing people, I can live my life focused on my values. A life that is full and true. No regrets because I made my choices based on the things I values most.
I hope you too can focus on your values and start making decisions based on those. I look forward to reviewing the next chapter this week. Below is a recap of the things mentally strong people don’t do that we have discussed so far.
- They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.
- They don’t give away their power.
- They don’t shy away from change.
- They don’t focus on things they can’t control.
- They don’t worry about pleasing everyone.
See you next week!
Heather
College & Career: Uncomplicated 